Today is my eldest son’s 7th birthday. It is hard to imagine that he has now officially been mine for 5 1/2 years and it is hard for me to remember how hurt and damaged he was when I brought him home and more importantly, how far he has come in those 5 1/2 years! He has learned to Eat solid foods (a feat that took nearly 2 years) and has learned to talk and has learned to count and spell and be a good brother to his younger siblings. He still struggles with things, he makes some poor choices, he frustrates me more than I like, but he can make me laugh like no one else. He has a sweet innocence to him that makes me want to hold him and protect him and believe in him and fight for him.
A I lay with him tonight, him drifting off to sleep in a cupcake induced stupor we had this conversation:
Mom: I like to think today about what was going on 7 years ago when you were born. It makes me think about your birth mother. I bet she is thinking about you today.
M: Who? my birth mother?
Mom: Yes…the lady whose tummy you came out of.
Mom: no, you know that another lady carried you in her tummy and had you in the hospital and then left you with the doctors and nurses so they could find you a mommy who could take care of you forever.
M: What was her name?
Mom: Her name was _____ . You know that, we read about her in your book.
M: Where is my birth mother?
Mom: In Russia.
M: What is R’s (my six year old son) birth mother’s name?
Mom: Well, we are talking about your birth mother because it is your birthday and I’m sure she was thinking about you sometime today
M: Did she get shots?
M: my birthmother, when she was in the hospital?
Mom: Yes, I guess she probably got shots.
M: did she get a needle?
Mom: (a little exasperated now) yes, I’m sure she got a needle in the hospital. but I want to talk about how we are lucky that she left you with the doctors and nurses and that I could find you and bring you home.
R (who has been quietly lying [listening] in the top bunk): Did my birth mother get shots?
Mom: Okay, bedtime! Let’s say a prayer for both of your birth mothers- who are no longer in the hospital and are not getting shots!
Maybe the next time I try and discuss the hard subjects I will remember to not to bring up the hospital and derail the discussion to the current obsession of my 6 & 7 year olds – Shots!!